YOU ALONE......

 

"Once a man was asked ....'what did you gain by regularly praying to God'.....The man replied, nothing.....but let me tell you what I lost;.....anger, ego, greed, depression, insecurity, and fear of death; Some times, the answer to our prayers is not gaining but losing; which ultimately is the gain....."

Things can turn out even better than you think!  We all have times when worry wears us down, when we are stressed about things we cannot do anything about,.  But our dreams and goals and determination are powerful enough to lift us up and help see us through the hard times....many times it takes a friend or family member to help us see what we are missing.

SUNDAY......SUNDAY!

       Sundays seem to get here very fast.....I have to chuckle at how Robert Kirby (writes for the Tribune) talks about Sunday......I realize not everyone agrees, but there are many that see where he is coming from.
       "One of the reasons that Mormons believe so fervently in near-death experiences is because we have one every Sunday.....it called church.
        Sitting there on a folding chair, your limbs grow numb, your eyes glaze over and your thinking becomes sluggish.  Only the shrieking of small children prevents you from slipping completely away and becoming a gospel zombie.
        Hold on, the gospel of Jesus Christ isn't church.  It's certainly a far cry from the Tupperware Third Ward that most of us attend every Sunday.  There the purpose seems to be to get people to dwell on the importance of the next life by making them wish they were dead in this one.  Sunday School in the Tupperware Third Ward is like a morgue only with day-care.  If Sunday School teaches you anything other than how to sleep with your eyes open, it's by accident rather than design."
        Kirby goes on to say ......stay on the good side of your bishop.....if he doesn't like you he is the guy who can give you a job in the ward nursery......Your may believe that Sunday School was slowly killing you, but get stuck in the nursery and you'll wish it had!
        Now that I have started back to church and they keep preaching "keep the Sabbath Day Holy', by reading scriptures and church material I decided to read this little book I found at the garage sale Saturday by Robert Kirby and Pat Bagley called...."SUNDAY OF THE LIVING DEAD"........I am a little concerned however......this would not be on the bishop's reading list.  Why do Sundays seem to have lots more hours in the day?
          Did meet my behind neighbors yesterday......they brought over some nice things from their garden.  Very interesting couple Claudia and Tom Keleras, they are Greek and said come over and get acquainted with that huge tree stump in their back yard that dominates the view out my back yard! You just can't have too many friends.

AND ANOTHER ONE GONE......

Well, it takes a village but somehow children grow up and fall in love and get married.......I guess they are happily on their way to Lake Tahoe by now and Andrea is enjoying being Mrs Fritzsche.  after a not to good night the night before last night was much better.......I felt like I could go and enjoy "a wedding".....Karrie warmed up, the State Capital Grounds were decorated very nice, the evening was warm with a full moon, my family were gathered around and saw many fun friends. 13 of us went to dinner together before and it was in full swing by the time we arrived.   Much picture taking, visiting and enjoying grandchildren......my X was our shadow......without his wife......and I think he might have realized what he walked away from 29 years ago......we took a fun picture of the four generations gathered last night.. Andrea looked beautiful and Karrie had worked very hard to make it great.  I am very proud of what I have accomplished in my 83 years.  Four of my nine grandchildren are now married and seem to have picked the right one so far.  William and Richie are probably not far behind.....William just bought a house????.

A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.......

My great grandson Aaron enjoying a family wedding. Almost 8 months old and very lively......I am so enjoying him.

MIXED EMOTIONS........BIG WEDDING DAY!

Well this is a big day for youngest granddaughter.......Andrea Rachelle Cook......who married Matt Fritzche......in the Salt Lake Temple this morning!  Five of my nine grandchildren are now married......and all grown up.  Last night his family had a dinner in a brother's backyard that was a beautiful place......with a taco truck to cater it????  This should have been a wonderful evening for our family, but we all came away rather sad as the mother of the bride.......daughter Karrie could hardly put herself out to be nice to any of us...... even my X was nicer to me.........we do not know what we have done and have tried so hard to keep the family together and say we are sorry for whatever has turned her away from us.......it is killing her twin sister and it started early this year.....and I am devastated.  Sherrie, Darren and Alex went through the temple with Annie this morning and I guess Karrie had very little to say to her and when she asked if we could help with anything for tonight.....she said their friends had it all taken care of.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I guess the Panniers, Christensons, Hortons, Will and Liz and I will go to an early dinner then wander over to the reception at the State Capital and congratulate Annie and Matt before we go home. I wish them all the best in their marriage as she is a great little gal, that I have loved and enjoyed watching grow up.......and she has two wonderful brothers.

HOW CAN ANYTHING SO GOOD FEEL SO BAD?

WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

I have tried to be the best daughter, wife, mother, sister, aunt, grandma and friend.......I could be, but somewhere along the  way I guess I failed.......my husband walked out after 30 years, one of my daughters won't speak to me and I dare not think where else I have failed along the way.....All I can say is...."I TRIED".

As I get acquainted with people in my new neighborhood I am so interested in their stories of where they came from, if they have families, what their interests or jobs are and I find everyone has story!  We all do and when you share your journey with the world, you make sense of the past, look to the future, and invite insight into your life like never before.  I have written my story in blogs, journals, and just recorded some of it......it has become interesting to me.  All you have to do is start with "once upon a time and close with.....the end" ......Your story is a sacred visualization , a way of echoing your experiences for everyone to enjoy......and remember you.  Maybe the story of your grandmother was left in an old box of receipts.....as you thumb through them you start to remember not only the good times with her, but who was there, what you did and where you were and the memories are wonderful........Some people told about their lives in stories around the kitchen table.......true or not they were fun and entertaining.  Many begin their stories with a day by day entry of what they ate, where they went and what they thought.  And some only left a line or two written in stone on their graves, but it is a record of we were on the earth and what we did.

Quiet day....Relief Society teachers this morning, a quick shopping trip.......Sherrie called and told me about her morning.......she and Darren went to the temple with the Cooks to get Andrea's endowments....Oh yes, and my number one grandson called to tell his grandmother he had bought a house!  He was very excited and knew that would be good news to Gram.

'HOME IS WHERE YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS".......

Can't believe yesterday I was getting you and your big brother off the roof.......when I was suppose to be baby-sitting you, Then watching you cheer at Brighton Hi a few years, a WYMAD trip to India, excited last year to get you off to college and decorate your room and in a couple of days.......attend your wedding reception.....and you are 20.  You are beautiful and talented and all I knew you would be......I hope your life will be the one you deserve because you have had wonderful parents who were never far from you.and always guided you right.......Home is certainly where your life's journey begins and I hope you always stay close to your family

and look back on all the wonderful memories we made together.

This is my Amen.......I have been single for 29 years......almost as long as the 30+ years I was married!  I no longer have to ask for money......if I can do something.....If what I am wearing is OK......I make my own decisions about money, time, people I love and places I go ......and when.  I like myself very much and being alone is no problem......Well, I do get lonesome some times.....but it is a happy lonesome.......and I know what to do to take of it......call a good friend or my sister.
             THE DEAD HORSE THEORY........
The tribal wisdom of the Dakotas, passed from generation to generation says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount!"  how can that be said any clearer?  But, oh how many couples do not realize this.
             Dorothy Parker says. " Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave."  Do you really notice peoples wrinkles and old age when they are fun and happy and have a good attitude......they can be so much fun and contribute much to your life.  Don't get all weird about getting older!  Our age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying us!
           I didn't hear from my sweet missionary again this week.......I guess it was transfer week and he had no time.
Lunch with Pam and Patty came by for coffee.

I CAN DO IT......

So many times I have said , "Betty you can it"....when I was fearful, insecure, frustrated, facing something new1 I then look back and am very proud of myself or think......that wasn't so bad.

I think that stress is a fearful reaction to life's constant changes......I know leaving my home and neighborhood of 27 years has been very hard.......(well maybe not as hard as it was to leave our family home and on my own find a new one for the twins and I when my husband walked out).......but I am older now, and old is hard.  I guess often we are stressing ourselves out because we have our priorities mixed up.......Staying well and happy should be the first priority, but we worry about money and security and dozens of other things.  When we trust Life to take care of all our little problems, then stress just melts away.  Stress is just fear....it's just that simple.

My sweet friend Shirley came over with IN AND OUT burgers for lunch and spent a couple of hours bringing my computer up to date.....she is so smart!  Sherrie and Darren hayed today and Pam and Rob are on their way to Wendover and want me to let the dogs out tonight and in the morning before church.......busy family.

WONDER WOMAN.......

Aren't all mothers .....Wonder Woman......ask any grown child and they will tell you.......they really wonder about their mothers in their old age..... She has changed .....she never use to be like that......"I wonder what has gotten into her?".......She this'es, or that's......or she doesn't this or that any more.  Well, kids I have news for you......you are changing too and in order to keep afloat we have to change also.   No I don't enjoy never seeing you anymore and texting will never replace a phone call in my book......but it at least lets me know you are still alive out there somewhere.  I am happy you are well, busy and have productive lives, but someday I will be gone, only I know you think I am going to live forever......OR NOT!  But you can bet I will continue to do things that make you shake your head and WONDER about me.

I MEAN WELL......

These are three of my favorite people......anytime I see a proud and happy grandpa my heart breaks that my 9 grandchildren did not have that!  I meant well but somewhere along the way I failed......my father loved all his grandchildren and they knew it......the twins loved papa and he them and he would save all his small change in a coffee can under his sink until they visited him and he would let them count it, divide it, and go spend it......they will always remember those little things.......but my husband doesn't even know his grandchildren's name half the time and never took them fishing, camping or spent anytime with them......they hardly know him.   Rob will always be there for Aaron......and he is a very lucky little boy! (I can hardly wait to see what he will look like with hair?)

Mark...(next door neighbor).....called me from worked and wondered if he could use my phone to call his girl friend who went home to VIET NAM for a visit......for some reason his phone won't work.......it is so nice to be a good neighbor and Mark has been very good to me......he will be home from work about 8:30.  Looks like garage sales and church are my big weekend excitement!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHARD.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY big RICHARD........This is number four of my August Birthdays........been a busy week around here.  Rich has his plate full right now.......getting his only daughter married next week end......watching his older brother struggle with stage 4 cancer......get his son in college who just got off a mission......and keep up with a 13 years old who is in all kinds of sports.......a moody wife and a demanding job.......but he keeps smilin'.  Richard has been very good to me over the years and I appreciate his love and help.......and the three beautiful grandchildren he has fathered for me.
                   Got my privacy panel put up today and am lovin' it......It makes my patio feel like my secret garden with flowers, fountain, humming bird feeders etc......I really am going to enjoy it.   Patty came for coffee with a dozen doughnuts and stayed three hours.....don't know what I'd do without her.
                   With birthdays past as Jackie Kennedy said, "I think being old, is gonna be just as great as being young, different but great, life will always be amazing as long as you live it that way!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUMBER ONE!

Well as usual.....a day late and a dollar short......but yesterday my first born, Pam, turned 58.  She had a fun night out with her sweet husband who surprised her with flowers, a bracelet with diamonds and a wonderful dinner......hard to believe where all these years have gone.  I live close to them and they have become my security blanket after they lived with me 6 months while their house was built and I lived with them 4 months while my house was built......we just are there for each other...

A great number of the family went to a wedding shower at Dade and Lisa's for Andrea and Matt.....I went with Tiff and Scott and Aaron, Sherrie, Darren, Ken, Alex and Lindsay represented the Christenson's and of course the Cooks were there minus Richie who is still in Montana working. My number four daughter Heidi and Kenny were there, but didn't know all the others. So had a Minnie reunion last night......nice seeing the grandkids that I don't get to see much of any more.   Scottie started school today and Kennedy starts out in Vernal tomorrow.......the rest are all out of school. Any way........HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAM 

ALONE................

 Oh so true.....your happiness can be taken by someone, but happiness comes from you .....not them. I have always liked myself and like to be alone a lot......but not always, sometimes I just need to wander in a crowd or shop in a busy store around people.....but I am comfortable going to a movie alone or out to eat if I want!  I don't want to own anyone and I don't want anyone to own me......once was enough!

Today my darling granddaughter Andrea came by to pick up her birthday and also a wedding present......We had a very long and wonderful talk about her getting married in two weeks.......about how she is afraid her parents are expecting her to always be there and hang around......it just won't happen and it will be a big shock to them as she is the first to leave the nest......other than Richard who went off on a mission....in which they still felt they had control of him.....now he has stated he will be living with his friends close to the U campus and I doubt they see much of him unless.....HE NEEDS SOMETHING!  I have seen Pam realize if she wants to see Will or Tiff......she invite them to dinner......If Sherrie wants to see Alex (other than at work) invite them to dinner!  Kids are raised to go off and start a life and you are left alone and so you say to yourself...."SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE......THEY DON'T NEED YOU NOW"......and that is what you spent the last 20  years of your life doing.......teaching them not to.   I very seldom see any of my three daughters or their families.......and yes I do get lonesome..... they phone and check on me.......but thankgoodness for friends and neighbors!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and miss you Mom.......you would be 103 today and I know you would be loving that! You would be proud of your great-grandson who is a missionary and born on your birthday....I feel you helped pick him out and send him to us......he is such a special spirit.  So many wonderful memories of growing up and I was always so proud of my mother who could and would do anything for anyone anytime......you were a wonderful example to your 5 children and the many others you helped raise.  I hope you are happy and living the life you deserve.  Thanks for being my Mom.

BRAYDEN IS 20.......

Happy Birthday to my sweet missionary Brayden who just turned 20 years old......I saw this picture of a fort built with quilts and all the fun memories of you as a little boy came rushing back to me.  Brayden and his best friend/cousin Annie who was born yesterday.....20 years ago could build some of the greatest forts in the front room you can ever imagine.  Move the furniture in......take all the bedding down stairs and play for hours......which made baby sitting for grandma pretty easy.......that is until it was time for bed and no one wanted to take it all back upstairs and put the furniture back.....Oh, those were the good ole days. You were always a joy in my life and so good and sweet to me as you grew into a teenager.  I miss you terribly and am so proud of you....I hope you had a really fun birthday in Spokane.

ANDREA IS 20..........

Oh yes, twenty years ago I remember I got a third granddaughter.......and how happy I was......Andrea Rachelle Cook........now I had three grandsons and three granddaughters.......and now 20 years later she is getting married in two weeks and I will have to share her with a cute husband.  I do have many fun memories of buying her first dance dress....we (she, her mother and I) hit every store at the Fashion Place Mall and went back and bought one of the first ones she tried one.......watching her grow up has been such fun......dance club, cheer leading and ball games then off to college a year....... a fun Christmas Cruise with she and Rich as roommates.  Then she met MR WONDERFUL......who left two weeks later on an LDS mission......he was hardly gone and she me MR PERFECT.......and now a wedding.  Love ya Annie it's been fun......and your 83 year old gram is glad she has been around for all of it.

DO SOMTHING!!!!!

 

This little picture planted a seed for me......and if tended seeds grow and grow.  I know now after 29 years that I can't do anything about the past to make the present better.  Have a granddaughter's wedding coming up next weekend and my X and his wife will no doubt be there.......I pretend these things we are both forced to attend because of our three children together don't bother me.......but Mr Blog.....I can tell you they still do.  I don't feel the 30 years with my X were all in vain because we had three beautiful, good, competent daughters we are both proud of.......but there is always that WHY out there that haunts you.  I will attend the shower next week and the wedding rehearsal dinner and wedding reception and hopefully no one will know what is in my heart!

Today Sherrie called and said........."Darren bought a pine coffin and I am on my way to JOAN'S to buy material to line it with......what kind of material do I buy?"......Well, my kids have called and asked me lots of  things in the past 50 some years.......but I had never had a question like that before......so we decided something cream or beige .......not white satin......and I will be anxious to hear what she bought......oh yes, she doesn't even sew!  She ask who it was for and he said her dad, his dad or even he could use it and he got a good deal on it!  CHILDREN........

New goal to do something in the present to make my future better..............

A TRUTH......

 

It is so nice to know there are other people out there like me.....Lunch today with two of my dearest friends......Patty and Ruth.  Somehow we get into the darnest conversations......about everything......which always ends in us laughing our heads off about nothing.  Lunch at the Lone Star and we literally sat there two hours.....I think they were about ready to start charging us rent!  Went to the dentist......only he was having another baby.....but all they did was see if I would be a good candidate for the dental school......I need my teeth cleaned......and you have to be approved first at the dental school where they practice on you......... but it is a lot cheaper.

Randy promised he would be here tomorrow to start my privacy panel......we shall see.  Guess I won't pay him till he gets it done!  He said he would have it done by Tuesday......but I wouldn't count on it........I couldn't get it done under $850.00 with the other two bids.......so went down to the US Vinyl Fence Co. AND ask if they had anyone who did work like that........saved $350.00.......so guess it was worth it, that is if Randy gets on the ball.  Tomorrow is Annie's birthday and Brayden's Sunday on my mother's birthday.

All the things on the list above describe what I am going through at this stage in my life......I have never cried so much in the last 29 years as I have the last nine months......because of the family trouble and I try not to do it in front of others.  Yes, I have said it is a long story......when it really isn't.......and doesn't everyone walk into a room and forget whey they are there.......oh, well always looking forward to another beautiful day in  Zion.

ATTITUDE.......

Ladies day.......and I do mean day.  We get there at noon and somehow just don't want to leave our friends.  Today Mexican Train at my house......There is nothing like good friends......Finally got someone to do my privacy panel ......a neat guy name Randy......said it would be in by Tuesday, so here is hoping.......Dentist in the morning and it is the weekend already.

Have you ever met someone.......and when they walked away......you thought to yourself, "I didn't like their attitude?"

The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.......Attitude, to me, is more important than facts, it is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company.....a church......a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for the day.  We cannot change our past.....we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.....we cannot change the inevitable.....the only thing we can do is to play the one string we have and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me.....and 90% on how I react to it......and so it is with all of us.......remember how important a good attitude can be.

A LESSON.....

Here are my other set of twins,,,,,,Annie with soon to be husband Matt......and my darling Brayden on a mission in Washington State with one of his mother's best friends, Julie RICE, growing up....... They will turn 20 years old this weekend.  Where did the last 20 years go?  They were always the best of buddies......would go off and build forts, make believe games and almost knew what the other was thinking......like their twin mothers.   I hope they always have that bond no matter where they are in life.  Andrea was born the 15th of August and Brayden the 16th of August....(my mother's birthday!)  Rather interesting being IN the hospital when your twins are both there having their second babies.....What a lucky grandma.  The next two weeks are busy with wedding showers, rehersal dinners and the wedding....I plan to turn my life around and really enjoy the last few years I have left.......if you like me you do.....if you don't you don't......that is your loss. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA AND BRAYDEN....... 

JUST HAVE TO!!!!!

I just had the best of the best.....Sold the condo finally.....Paid Robby and Darren what I owed them and am out of debt!  AND Sherrie asked me to spend a week in Lake Powell on their house boat with them......and a darling couple I love like my own....Dave and Amy Bain and their three cute kids that call me grandma....... We had a great trip to Cancun together and David's older brother use to take the twins out......Also Darren's dad and girl friend brought their house boat along so had a wonderful group.  They would not let me do a thing and I just completely unwound from my 9 months of stress.....I never got my bathing suit wet.....but Darren took me for a long jet=ski ride up some beautiful canyons and I so enjoyed it....I really am lucky......I never dreamed I'd say yes to another trip like that and yes, getting in and out of the boats, climbing the stairs and sitting on that tiny toilet in the bath room ......were a challenge......I handled it!.......just being with people who love you and help you......... can keep you going. Darren's dad who is a year younger than me......agrees.  I am ready to start living again in a new place, new neighbors, new friends, the church and whatever comes my way......Rode home with Bud and Rosa Lee so the kids could go straight to Vernal worked for everyone........

WHY?????

I wonder......as do my children.....WHY does it take Gram so long to get ready to go any where now days?  Well, all I can say is it just does!  With every birthday I get older and I don't mind because I would rather be older ......than dead!  As always I have a morning routine.....shower, get dressed, take a dozen pills ......then the fun begins.  Every morning I apply makeup.... I layer antioxidant serum , wrinkle cream, moisturizer, primer, foundation, etc.  for the groundwork!  Then for the perfect smoky eye using 17 shades of brown, two types of mascara and five different brushes and liner.  Try to get the eyebrows to match and then slap on some 14-hour long-lasting never-fade lipstick.......no matter what you do to your hair it always looks like two squirrels spent the evening mating on your head....bag the spray, the mouse and balm......but your off to bridge or the dollar store......About the first hour into bridge and lunch your hair is sagging......after lunch the 14 hour.......long-lasting ......never fade lipstick is gone leaving your lips looking like a couple of albino earth worms......by the time I arrive back home I am a mess, but the dog doesn't care.....I don't have a husband to impress and my grandkids already think I am on the way out of this world....but I can still and watch the sun rise and realize beauty comes  in so many different ways.  I am sure I will always try to look better and do it with a smile.......because happiness is the best makeup.....OR NOT!
                         My sweet Vernal kids just called and invited me and Gigi to go to Lake Powell with them for the rest of the week.......I think that would be fun now I have the house sold and out of my hair......I have not seen their new house boat and I have always loved Lake Powell.....some of my favorite people are going down with them.....Darren's Dad, and the Bain family who I went to Mexico with........I have had a bad nine months and have to get back into enjoying life the few years I have left and really enjoy them.  My missionary wrote me a couple of lines today.....I will be glad to get him home in a year.

CATCHING UP.......

This is all that is left of my family.......baby sister. Leslie Ramsey and baby brother, Jimmy Dick Yeomans!!!!  When I first saw this picture on face book I ask my sister who her new boy friend was.....she laughed and said that is our little brother.   It has been awhile since I saw Jim......but he has changed ......he is 69......and being 14 years younger than me......I always thought of him young!  He really looks like my mother's side of the family now that I take another look.  Our Mom and Dad and two sisters, Joan and Dixie are all gone........but I do have so many wonderful memories of my wonderful family and our fun growing up years in the little town of Mancos, Colorado.

ONE WHOLE WEEK!

Where did the week go????  I am not in the habit of skipping weeks in my blog.......I GUESS THE BIG NEWS IS I FINALLY GOT MY CONDO SOLD, SIGNED AND DELIVERED.......THANKS TO THE HELP OF MY SWEET SON-IN-LAWS......DONE WITH THAT AND HOPE I CAN CLOSE THE DOOR AND MOVE ON AND ENJOY WHAT I HAVE NOW.......A WHOLE NEW CHAPTER IS BEGINNIING......AND

I just spent the last three days with my sister Leslie......the only one I have left.  I really needed some family to cheer me up.  We went to see our cousin Lucille and took her to lunch......she just found out her youngest daughter, Becky, has six months to live , her cancer is growing and they have done all they can. Lucille was so happy to see us.  My nephew Mike, Leslie's son and family, came to dinner and we had a fun evening of cards.......People with families that love them are so lucky.  Went to church and Patty came by......been a busy week and weekend.