SOME DAYS ARE LIKE THAT........

I try to act happy and cheerful but you would not want to get into my head the past few months.....I have made a concentrated effort these past few weeks to start to church and see if GOD can help me sort things out.......I wonder if anyone else ever feels the way I do?  I had a fun day with Pam....don't see much of her after I moved out.......we went to lunch then shopped to find her a new rug for the entry way.....Bree peed on the other one so much she had to throw it out....DOGS!  No luck today. Sunday I went to my new ward with my darling neighbors and will make a new effort to get to know people and help when I can.......I will not take a job or be obligated to a dozen meetings a week....I am just to old for all that.......but I will help with food or small things.  I have also started embroidering sets of dish towels to give to my three married granddaughters for Christmas.......I was going crazy with nothing to do and no one to visit with.......The Panniers are always out of town off to Idaho......the Cooks aren't speaking and the Christensons live in Vernal and I feel abandoned......I have so many friends my age going through the same thing.

 

THERE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS......SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR!

SECRETS OF OLD AGE........

Now tell me.......these aren't great things to know or be aware of as you enter your twilight years?......Especially the health nut thing when your lying there dying of nothing........but old age......will you have some regrets you didn't imbibe in more French fries, German chocolate cake and potatoes and gravy?.....as least you would have something to blame your death on.  Not to worry about old age it doesn't last long......well I have heard of some cases when it just went on and on an on! And after reading the obits every morning I do believe Death is the #1 killer.  Another thought.....some of the most wonderful people are the ones that don't fit into the box.......They are the ones who wear strange things, that can always make you laugh and are not shy with their opinions......about everything!

Found this little KNOT PRAYER

DEAR GOD.....PLEASE UNTIE THE KNOTS THAT ARE IN MY MIND, MY HEART AND MY LIFE........ERASE THE WILL NOTS, MAY KNOTS, MIGHT NOTS THAT MAY FIND A HOME IN MY HEART.  RELEASE ME FROM THE COULD NOTS, WOULD NOTS AND SHOULD NOTS THAT OBSTRUCT MY LIFE.....AND MOST OF ALL DEAR GOD, I ASK THAT YOU REMOVE FROM MY MIND, MY HEART AND MY LIFE ALL THE "AM NOTS" THAT I HAVE ALLOWED TO HOLD ME BACK.  ESPECIALLY THE THOUGHT THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.....AMEN

PRESENT SENSE........

Every day we should wake up with the thought to be better than we were the day before......I have come to the conclusion to improve myself I need to tend to the spiritual aspect of my life that I have been neglecting because of past hurts.  Like many people I may benefit from an outside-the-box option that had not occurred to me......like a spiritual one.  Yes. prayer is and always has been part of my life, but maybe I need a little something more.  You never know when these break through moments are going to hit you.....perhaps a bad accident, a death in the family, in my case it has been a move from a very comfortable place in my life to the unknown......with debt, the family breaking up, and strangers surrounding me.  Most of us are on a kind of autopilot, a track we've been on since our birth, but we don't have to follow the track indefinitely into our future.  It is never too late to wake up from this arbitrary path and live a truly different and amazing and beautiful life in the years we have left.

Spent a fun afternoon with some of my favorite people playing bridge and sharing our latest happenings.  I am trying to teach Gigi about the electric fence in the back yard so she can have more freedom......but at 13, she's not to interested in changing her ways.  Ivan brought me over a big zuck from his son's garden......such good neighbors.

 

 

 

YES, I'M A WOMAN.........

Someone knows me very well, or else there are others out there like me......when I saw this .......it is me now days.  Yes, I push on a door that is clearly marked pull.....why ?  I have no reason.  Yes, I count on my fingers when I am working on my check book.....why? Because I learned math that way and it has served me well.   Yes, I say it's a long story when I don't want to explain something to someone. Yes, I walk into a room and can't remember what I came for........ Yes, I cry a lot and about everything.......but hope no one knows and it is amazing what a hug will do for me.......Yes, I care about people who don't care about me and it is breaking my heart, but their day will come and I know what goes round comes round.  Sherrie came in last night and stayed as she had a dermatologist appointment early this morning.  She got Pam, Karrie and Annie and we all went to breakfast.......it was an interesting hour. ........went to see COKEVILLE TRADEGY and cried the whole way through......so glad it is time to get in my PJS and bed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB.......

Happy Birthday to one of the best friends I have ever had.......Robby my first son-in-law.  I took he and Pam in for 6 months while they built a house........then he reciprocated and took me in 4 months while my house was being built and through this all we have enjoyed so many fun things.  Robby is FUN.......and the family will all agree on that.  Robby is FAIR......and the family will all agree on that......where ever he is....... is a party.  He is good to my daughter and a wonderful Dad to his three children and now a wonderful grandpa to Aaron.  He has been so good to me and is my brick I lean on.  He loves to fish and hunt.......he works hard and plays hard.  Rob, I hope you have many more birthdays.......I think you are 38 + 20......whatever that makes!  OH YES......HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ALSO

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY DAD.......

Oh, how I adored this man.....Richard H. Yeomans (Dick).  You were tall dark and handsome, you were a good husband and father and friend and very honest.  You were quiet...... yet lots of fun......I never doubted how much you loved me and were always there for me backing my every silly whim.....and being proud of me in my growing up years when I so needed your approval.  As I try to see through my tears and heart ache this father's day trying to reach out to you......I hope you hear me.......and know how lonesome I get for you.  I am sorry every child never had a father like you and feel so guilty that my choice of a father for my three precious daughters was such a disaster........they were so cheated out of a role model and caring, loving Dad.  I just can't think of the words that tells you what you have meant to me......I loved you very much and still do. I know you would be proud to be grandpa to my three beautiful families and remember how you loved Pam and the twins so much.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY........

A few years back this darling little girl made me a grandma for the first time........Happy Birthday darling Tiffany Marie Pannier/Horton!  I have loved and enjoyed her every since and remember so many fun and happy times with her as she grew up and has now given me my first great-grand child.....Aaron Scott.......We were roommate for five and a half years after she graduated from college and before she married Scott.  I can thank her for teaching me how to use the computer and Text!.....and many more good things.  Hope she is having a wonderful birthday in Idaho with her parents and husband and baby.

I saw a little piece in this magazine that says: "THINGS ARE GOING TO BE BETTER THAN FINE.......Everyone has difficult days, even spells of distress.  But they don't last!  Because  life has so many more ups than downs----more joys than stresses----more triumphs than troubles, and unlimited potential for success. whatever challenges you face will pass---and sooner than you think".  I don't know who writes stuff like that but somehow positive thoughts need to be planted to help you get out of your hole.

Patty dropped by tonight.....is so lonesome since her husband died .  Spent Wednesday at the Cotton Wood Club for lunch and bridge and yesterday at Bonnie's for our Mexican Train Day with lunch......it isn't as if I am a hermit....it is just what is going on behind the scenes that keep me depressed.

"NOW REMEMBER....AS FAR AS ANYONE KNOWS.....WE ARE A NICE NORMAL FAMILY?"

NOT PERFECT.........

How do you tell your children how much you love them.......as they are growing up you try not to make mistakes, get angry or even cry in front of them......are you saving it until you are old and they are never around to see you being human????  Yes my feelings do get hurt, yes I get lonesome my heart aches and  I seem to cry a lot more. I know they all have their own lives.....and family responsibilities, and I taught them well......but even phone calls mean the world to old people......I have my darling grandson Kennedy with me for a few days and I even went to see Jurassic World with him today and then stopped at IHop for lunch.  Pam and Rob stopped by for a few minutes to get Rob's birthday presents and then were off to meet his two sisters for ice cream.......Rob's father died 3 years ago today.   AND  today is Sherrie's 25th wedding anniversary!  And I am tired and going to bed!

WHY WAS i BORN????

Does anyone really know why they were born????  Are we suppose to know why?  Some of us were happy surprises and some not so happy a surprise.......Maybe we just have to accept it as God's plan.....and not question it.  I was disappointed I didn't hear from my sweet missionary......but I know it is hard for him to answer everyone every week.  Tomorrow is Sherrie and Darren's 25th wedding anniversary and they finally made it to Lake Powell yesterday.......after running out of gas etc.  They were very surprised to run into the Cooks who were there with a group of friends........I was happy to hear there was no rock throwing.  Kenny and I had a busy day shopping, lunch at McDonald's, etc.  Patty Beltz stopped by for coffee.

Very quiet summer....wish I could get back into knitting or reading or something.    Books are such a good means of escape.   A good book is like bounding out the front door into the world, or jumping on a freight train, or stowing away on a ship.....books take you places, to the hideouts of bandits, to contemporary Burma where folks are no different than we are......well, maybe different but really the same.  They take you deeper than even conversations or friendships can, inside minds and hearts,  so that for a little while you can become someone else.....perhaps your hero.  Did you ever walk into a book store or library and feel as though you are in a train station or at an airport with innumerable vessels ready to carry you away?  Did you realize the art of being yourself, your most generous, empathic, imaginative self, is fed by experiencing the lives of others?  One of the saddest things I can think of is not being able to read!  That is something I can add to my Gratitude list.........

NO PLACE LIKE HOME.......

Spent the weekend in Vernal with the Christenson's..........Tiff, Aaron and I drove out Friday morning and home today.  It was so fun getting to introduce our almost 6 month old to horses, John Deer Tractors etc.  H e is such a darling, happy little boy and rolled over for the first time at Aunt Sherrie's house.  We brought Kennedy home with us so Sherrie and Darren could celebrate their 25th anniversary in Lake Powell at the house boat.  Got to visit with Alex and Lindsey and see their new first house that they have been working hard on to fix up.  Scott was off golfing for the weekend with his brothers.  Pam and Rob in Idaho.  I am very excited.......they finally put grass in around my house.......and several trees.  Really tired tonight and have a busy week ahead.

                         Breaking someone's trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper.  You can smooth it over but it's never going to be the same again!

GOOD MEMORIES.........

'Life is not about the end of the story .....where you put down the book with a satisfied sigh.......  It is about all the chapters in between.....that make your heart race, bring a smile and make you cry as you work your way deliciously, exhausted to the end where you get to say......THAT WAS A GREAT STORY!"  

Shirley and I went to a movie and lunch today and I got my chores done so I can spend the weekend in Vernal with Tiffany, Aaron and Sherrie's family.  OH......and they planted shrubs.....two pine trees and put some grass down finally on the south side of my house......it has been so dusty and muddy when it rains it will be wonderful to see grass.

THOUGHTS BECOME WORDS.........

WORD BECOME ACTIONS...............

ACTIONS BECOME CHARACTER....

CHARACTER IS EVERYTHING........

GETTING TALLER.......

Some times you just have to have a plan "B"......and this is my new plan.  I have lost 2" in the last year or so and all of my friends are complaining of doing the same thing....So if I can get those 2" back .......I know I will look thinner!!!!!  If you have any ideas let me know.

I have found FIVE TIPS FOR A WOMAN......and I always believe in sharing any good news among my good friends.....that will enhance your life.   1.  It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.........2.  It is important that a man makes you laugh.......3..It is important to find a man you can count on doesn't lie to you.......4.  It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.......5.  It is important that these four men don't know each other.....You can thank me later.

YEA......they put plants in around the house today and promised lawn tomorrow......we shall see.  Lately they have used the weather as their excuse.....so who knows.  Got an offer on the house today and after my commission to David I wouldn't have enough left to pay off my loan.....let alone enough to pay off Darren. Turned them down.

IF YOU CAN SMILE.......

What can I say.......no mon no fun.......Only trouble there are several movies I want to see this week....... but if I go on Tuesday.......the five dollar day......I can probably get a couple in.  I am heading out to Vernal for the weekend,  that is about as far as I get on vacations now days.  Rob came by and hung up a picture for me and put a new cartridge in my printer and we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken for the Tuesday special.....$3.99 for a chicken friend steak......comfort food.
                          IF YOU CAN SMILE
If you can smile when things go wrong.....And say it doesn't matter;
If you can laugh off cares and woes , when your plans all seem to shatter;
If you can keep a cheerful face when all around is blue;
Then you should have your head examined......There's something wrong with you........

LEARN THIS........

With the millions of people in the world.......why pick the ones who make you feel bad to hang out with?  Does misery love company?  My sweet Nicci just called me to tell me she loved me, takes so little to make my day anymore!

Happiness is the experience of having lived a life that feels is worth while.  Happiness to me, is the natural experience of winning your own self-respect, as well as the respect of others.  I think I can say with honesty......most people respect me.  Happiness should not be confused with indulgence, escapism or hedonistic pleasure seeking.  You can't smoke, inhale or snort happiness.  You can't buy it, drive it, fly it, swallow it, inject it or travel to it.  Happiness is the journey, not the destination.......Elusive as a butterfly, happiness come only to those who feel it without chasing it, and who can give it away without expecting a pay off.

My house has been with a Real Estate Agent for a week and it is interesting to see the comments of the people...I do appreciate seeing there is some action on it finally.....just made my third payment on the loan today.......and it isn't fun! Talked to the Mexican yard people today and explained I was planning on putting up a privacy panel and needed the sprinkler systems moved so we could dig postholes........they were darling and didn't even complain so I took them out a bottle of cold water for each one.....I have learned it really gets you further making friends with the help!

 

SOME DAY..........

This could be any ordinary family's children's photo........but it isn't......These adorable children belong to Prince William and Princess Kathryn..... Prince George and Princess Charlotte .and they will someday be the King of England or perhaps the Queen of England.  My grandchildren recognize them and know who they are.....but someday when my great- or perhaps great-great grandchildren are reading my journal they will be surprised by the pictures.  I remember prince George's father William when he was a baby and had the famous mother Princess Diana.....Oh so much water under the bridge since then......anyway the this picture is one of my favorites.......and is now recorded for posterity......
                        Pam and I were off to breakfast early and had a nice long visit......Thank you God for our new found relationship......and tonight the Panniers invited me to the Spaghetti Factory with Tiff's family and them......and another weekend slides by.

NEVER GIVE UP........

 

With the millions of people on this earth.......why let one person take you down?  I am struggling with this .....my mind tells me one thing, my heart tells me another.  No one can stop you from loving them.....even though they turn their back on you and your family......and try to walk out of your life.....Yes, they can,  but do they not know they are taking a little piece of you with them.......I wish Karrie would see what she is doing to our family.......and I only hope one of her three children never do it to her.......but as you know...."what goes round, comes round?"  We are all so excited for Annie who is getting married in August......I hope we get invited.

Have enjoyed an evening watching the lighting and listening to the thunder and rain out my office window.  Pam came by and helped with a couple of things and we had a good visit and ended up at "Grumbe's" for a rice bowl dinner.  Rob has been at the cabin all week, Pam and I  both have a miserable cold.  My old neighbor Bev Taft called and said there was a big red, white and blue 'for sale' sign out on the road for my condo.....Finally!   Please.....please somebody buy my house?..... So I can pay off my loan, Darren and Robby........and die not a debtor!

 

I cannot go to bed with such a heavy heart.....so will add this darling granddaughter and her cute hubby .......knowing they love me and are happy in Minnesota and doing so well at General Mills and traveling all over to friends weddings and business.  Love ya Nicci and Bill.

WHAT NOT TO DO........

                         As I struggle with getting settled into a new house, a new neighborhood, a new life I keep wanting to go back.....but I know there is no going back in life......you never get a second chance to redo......so my memories are what keep me going.....They are good memories and I feel sorry for the folks that don't have good memories to fall back on.
                         Don't let this world make you bitter.  Don't let the actions of other people turn you cold on the inside.  Certain things happen that hurt us, people come....... they leave us and most of all there are moments when your bound to fail.  Don 't let those things make you unkind.  It's Okay to cry.....It's Okay to be sad.   But, it's never Okay to do other people wrong just because you were done wrong......We're human.  We break....we make mistakes .....but don't let pain and sadness run your live.  Wake up in the morning and do what you think is right.  There are moments in your life when you feel like giving up and you can't take it any more.....It's Okay ........I know I am weak.....but things that show our weak side are all so the same ones that make us stronger in the long run......It's all about taking whatever life throws at you and learning from it......Thank goodness I learned a lot of this 27 years since my husband walked out....Today I went to Lowes and Home Depot and checked out fencing for the dog and how to order a privacy panel...Did I enjoy it....not particularly.....but someone had to do it!!!!!
                     Sherrie called me and it made my day......

HELPING OTHERS.......

 

Yes, I do have good friends and they say you have to be a good friend to have a good friend........Everyone has good days and bad days and you need to be there for friends when they are having a bad day......Yesterday was Shirley's so she came over for dinner.....she left feeling better......today I opened the door and there stood Patty......having a down day.  She lost her husband a month ago and can't get use to being alone with nothing to do.....You always feel better after a cup of coffee or tea.  What is interesting is they think I am helping them.......they don't know who much their visits help me!  I sometimes think a lot of this is due to us getting older........Most of us in our twenties are trying hard to be who and what we think we should be, but we don't have the inner confidence that comes with years of experience.  When we constantly try and live all the should's and shouldn'ts that are given us, it's no wonder we have a hard time accepting aging. 

I guess once we given up the notion that "youth" is king, we can tell ourselves the truth of who we are and what we are.  We can miss certain parts of our past......all that energy, size 10 body  and maybe a better memory but we now have gained confidence, wisdom, experience.......handicap sticker,  discounts days at some stores and senior discounts at the movies!!!!!!  When you start valuing these gifts.......grey hair and wrinkles won't be all bad.

EMOTIONS OF AGING........

The emotions of aging are the emotions of change........They are the feelings of loss......Whenever things change in a big way in our life, we must deal with the letting go of the old, before acquiring something new.....This can be true whether it's letting go of something material, relational or conceptual.......

Though emotions do not come and go in any particular order, one of the first is grief.....We are grieving our youth.  We are grieving the way we use to be.......(I hate it I can't walk a mile....I can't lift heavy things, I can't work all day without resting etc.......Oh, and all my clothes seem to be getting tighter).......I also experience other emotions along the way...... anger, depression, fear, loneliness, anxiety, shame, guilt, and acceptance. ........but they tell me these are all part of the letting go and renewal process.  When we realize we are not who we use to be......we can either become depressed or accept it.  If we make it through all the emotions of aging, change and loss, then we ultimately come to acceptance, which is the healthiest place to be. The important point, however, about acknowledging and respecting the emotions of aging is to realize that feeling any and all of these emotions is normal and is part of the process of growing older....... I guess once you accept this you know that it is just a part of being ageless.....!

"AFTER A CERTAIN NUMBER OF YEARS, OUR FACES BECOME OUR BIOGRAPHY"

Cynthia Ozick

 

LIVE TODAY.........

 

"IT IS NOT THE YEARS IN YOUR LIFE BUT THE LIFE IN YOUR YEARS THAT COUNT"

Adlai Stevenson

Live today means simply that:  Keep your focus on the present.....not the past of the future.  This doesn't mean that it isn't good to reminisce......It is important to remember the wonderful times in your personal history......High School and Cheer Leading, College, Stewardess Days, Concierge and Traveling the World......but you must move on to the future and planning retirement, vacation and better job.  But focus on today......Lots of good in my life today.....I am alive, independent, well .......and it has finally stopped raining!!!!

They claim that living in the moment creates a state of peace even when the moment is a distressful one.....if you are feeling angry or fearful, allow yourself to feel that way ........don't repress it by pretending you can handle it.......of course you can handle it......and be angry and fearful at the same time.

If you wish to be ageless.......begin now to take each moment as it comes, to live in the present.  When you are only experiencing where you are now, what you are doing now and not thinking about what was before or what is to come........you will find a great sense of peace.

"A LONG LIFE MAY NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH, BUT A GOOD LIFE IS LONG ENOUGH"

Benjamin Franklin