THE FIRST SERMON....
The new priest at his first mass was so afraid that he could hardly speak. Before his 2nd week at church, he asked the head priest how he could relax. The head priest said "next week it might help if you could put martinis in the water pitcher. After a few sip, everything should go smoothly"
The next week the young priest put the older's suggestion into reactive and really talked up a storm. After the sermon he asked the head priest how he'd done. The head priest replied......"Fine, but there are a few things you should learn before you address the congregation."
(1)...Next time sip the martinis rather than gulping them. (2)...There are 10 commandments, not 12. (3)...There are 12 disciples, not 10. (4)...David killed Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him. (5)...We don't refer to our savior Jesus Christ and his disciples, as J.C. and the boys. (6)...Next Sunday there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. (7)...We don't refer to the Cross as the Big T. (8)...The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy-O, Laddy-O, and the Big Spook. (10)...And last, but not least, it's the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the unpopped cherry!!!!
I think that would be one Mass that everyone stayed awake for.......
Got another snow storm last night.....not much down here but the mountains are looking good. Kar and Pam are going to paint for me tomorrow.
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